Optimism

I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.
~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I have learned more about myself in the past ten weeks than I have in the almost eleven years since my divorce.

(As a matter of fact, if I had stayed married, today would have been my thirtieth wedding anniversary.)

I have had great news; I have had devastating news. I have been high; I have been low. I have been in the darkest of dark places; I have sought easy answers, easy outs.

I am still here.

My kids have struggled through some hard times; we have dealt with it. I have been on some of the worst dates of my entire single life; I have been on the BEST date of my entire single life. I have been treated like a prostitute; I had a man cook dinner for me and hand feed me cheese and crackers during the appetizer course. Just because he wanted to.

Life is full of little surprises. Sometimes they’re even nice.

What I see clearly is that it isn’t about the 100 things I want in a man. Even though I have reason to believe there might actually might be at least one guy out there who possesses every quality I have been seeking.

It’s about ME. It’s about finding someone who can accept me just as I am.

Flawed. Intense. Conflicted. Generous. Passionate. Burdened.

Optimistic.

I have seen a glimpse of what is possible and I am forever changed.