I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you can eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
~ Marilyn Monroe
The past couple of weeks have been, well, intense. I won’t go into all the particulars; it is enough to say that between sickness in the family, financial pressure, and an unusually heavy workload, there has been little time to rest and less time to play. For the most part, I’ve been okay with that; I can get by on very little sleep and often my work feels more like play. In other words, it has been bearable.
But there was a bit of drama in my personal life, too. First, I met a man online; we really seemed to hit it off, and I almost had myself convinced that it was the start of something really good; then, before we even had a chance to meet, he rejected me on the basis of my financial situation. Not that his is any better; in fact, between the two of us, I am probably the more stable and secure. So rather than try to sell myself to him – and I can be very persuasive – I remembered my word for 2012 – RELEASE – and let him go. Considering that he has never been married, never had children, never even been in a relationship that has lasted more than two years, I probably did myself a big favor.
Bolstered by that experience, I mustered the strength to end and on-again, off-again relationship that has been weighing me down for more than two years. And believe me when I tell you I didn’t just let go of that balloon; I stabbed it with scissors and watched it skitter through the air helter-skelter for a few moments before landing in a misshapen, wrinkled pile on the ground, then stomped on it until there was nothing but dust left.
Freed from these burdens, I was struck this afternoon by a wondrous sense of anticipation. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I have the most amazing feeling that something wonderful is waiting just around the corner of me. Is it the love of my life? A financial windfall? A publishing contract? Or all of the above?
I can’t wait to find out. In the meantime, I’m living loud, with a heart that’s wide open and a spirit as light as a feather.